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Inner Child

Today, Ray continues his series "The Coming Alive of Internet Marketing" with a must-read article about the "inner child" -- For business persons and creative folk alike... Ray will show us how this inner child plays a crucial role in our quest towards business/personal success or overcoming creative block to find that muse -- Don't miss Ray's article below

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The Coming Alive of Internet Marketing - The Series

The quest is for clarity. Today, I have introduced an "inner child" who can throw a wrench into the works. I will try to show that this child can COMPLETE the adult... and that without it, one remains rudderless in the business world, and especially so for netpreneurs on the www. And, the www remains the fastest business medium where almost instantaneous success can be achieved... but ONLY if you understand how it works.

---

Inner Child - I

© 2007 Raymond Siew

Jim walks into a bar and shouts, "When Big Jim drinks, everybody drinks!" And everyone rushed to the bar and got a drink. After he finishes his first beer he slams the mug down and says, "When Big Jim has another beer, everybody has another beer!" And everyone rushed to the bar again. And when Jim finished, he took out a fiver and slams it on the bar. He says, "When Big Jim pays, everybody pays!"

I find the metaphor "inner child" a really useful one. Understanding this deeply will, I believe, help you see how master illusionists are able to get you to fall for the same trick over and over again. It will also allow you to see HOW and WHY you and others interact the way you do... and how that can be changed, if it needs changing.

The child is at once loving, trusting, imaginative, spontaneous, inquisitive, adventurous AND willful, petulant, cruel and rude. The child can also be easily swayed by the gift of a candy bar, or easily frightened. This child hasn't yet learned how to perform due diligence, nor has he the tools of logic or rational thinking, understanding goal-setting, priorities, time lines, processes, etc which belong to the adult world. Neither does the child have the virtue of patience, which only comes with character.

*Note: The use of the masculine pronoun in this series is not meant to be gender specific.

What happens if this child has been traumatised in some way and decides that the world isn't safe, and now starts to hide in a world of make-believe? -- Interestingly, this seems to apply to almost everyone despite the best efforts of parents, and leads me to postulate an idea which I'll introduce later. Do bear with me.

For the sake of argument, let's say this child still exists in all of us. In some, the child is clearly manifested in the adult. In others, the child seems completely buried in rational, scientific thinking. But the child is still there in some form... and continues to impact on our behaviour as adults.

Before I go any further, let's see if we agree on what an adult who has made peace with his inner child looks like...

Would this adult have clarity in thinking? Would he be judicious in his consideration? Be serious when it's time to be serious, yet is spontaneous and free when it's time to let his hair down? Would he trust himself that much? Confident. Can he connect and communicate with sensitivity? Admit his mistakes when he is wrong?

What happens if an unruly child rules the adult...?

Would he be vengeful and spiteful? Would he be willful in the face of truth, or can he surrender gracefully? Would he say, "Look at me! I'm better than you!" Would he lie and connive? Would he play games? Ever seen children fighting?

Now, I would like us to do a little self-reflection: Which "inner child" better describes us? -- I'll tell you later why this is important to understanding the www. I seem to have veered right off course haven't I? What has this to do with clarity? Do stay with me, it's coming...

Let us look deeper at the unruly, frightened, lonely and needy child... the one who can't trust despite all the evidence to the contrary, or the one who trusts blindly... the one who is willful and petulant... the one who wants things easy... the one who is impulsive, etc -- Does this child rule you?

Now look at how many advertising campaigns are run -- Who do they target? What do they do/say to trigger this child? How do they keep the adult in you off-balanced? What "candies" are they offering now?

The illusionists' tools:

1. They attack your sense of want -- Look at me. See how successful I am? You can have it all too.
   
   
2. They reinforce your delusions -- I see a great business person in you. You too can make tons. Or, I see a writer/artist in you, etc.
   
   
3. They devalue you -- Hey, don't talk to me about your ideas, you can't even spell. Or, don't talk to me about money now, can't you see what I can do for your future?

Lets ask a few questions: Was the success REALLY from the business these "illusionists" say they are in, or was it from conning people who don't know any better? Do you really have the skills? And if you don't, will they help you acquire them? If they don't even respect your ideas or worth, will they be there for you when you are spent?

And this drama works time and time again in so many scenarios -- They work because they unbalance you, they keep you in unreality, and they talk to the insecure, needy child in you.

But that is the nature of advertising, you say. True, perhaps. But let's consider this -- If the promise is to make a business person out of you, wouldn't you need clarity? So why not give clear information and assessment?

Let us look even closer... For the illusions to work, the child must play certain roles. They can fall on the ground, cry "Save me, save me", or close their ears and say, "I don't want to hear", "I've got a headache, Hon". In fact, for the illusions to work, they need the child's active participation -- Have you ever been around people who praise and affirm each other although the work has been mediocre? Did you once see that, but have learned that it is painful to face the truth, and do you now think, "If you can't beat 'em join 'em"? Do you still believe that the truth shall set you free? -- Remember I said last week that the task was to build a successful business and the goal is financial success. So do we carry on? This lonely child wants connection and someone to trust, and I hope this series will show you how. To do that you need to break free of the illusions, painful though it may be.

Note: I make a distinction here between selling solutions and selling products -- In selling products, there may be greater justification for the type of advertising offered. Have you noticed that on the net, there seems to be some confusion over this? I will say more in the section on accountability and due diligence (part 2).

So what can we do if we admit that there is even a mustard seed's worth of truth in what I say...?

Can we severely discipline this child to keep him under control? Think on this paradox -- The child IS you, or some part of you -- If you are harsh on yourself, unbending, unforgiving of your own mistakes... can you forgive others? Can you make peace with yourself if you have unforgiveness? Can you be kind to others if you are unkind to yourself ? And, in a serious contest of wills between the willful, angry inner child and the adult, I don't give the adult much chance of winning. This hurt child, being even more progressively hurt, doesn't know how to quit. The child wants to be listened to and heard.

Note: This is a point where I differ from many authorities on the subject. There is only ONE child and that child is hurt. And also, this child is a master illusionist. And maybe that is why the truth hurts so much. The child is protecting himself, and closing his ears. There is NO dark side, NO mysterious secret. No amount of affirmation or positive thinking is going to work if this child continues to be divorced from reality. And an insight into reality can only be achieved when we understand the process. And did God create by due process?

I believe this. You are unique, and I also believe that God is in you. In fact, I believe you are God and you have the creativity of God. A great teacher once said, "You will deny me" and so I believe we came to life to find God and God IS us. So if we deny who we are, then we are denying God. And to me, that is the only frightening thing: If I deny me.

So, I've come to believe that we need to make friends with this child, win his confidence again, gently discipline him and teach him how to slowly re-test his previous assumptions... that the world has dangers BUT the world has a lot of good too -- The way I suggest we can see this is by harmonising the child and the adult with REALITY.

And, I have also come to the conclusion that without healing the inner child, without making friends with this child in us... we cannot see with clarity. Why do I say that? Because we need this child -- He also has the qualities of knowing. The child knows instinctively whom he can trust. The child connects easily.

This child completes the adult and this quality is essential in the business world -- I'll explain why next week. I'll also examine the role of scientific thinking.

I'll leave you this week with a question: So what is reality?

Raymond

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About the author: Raymond Siew is the Business Development Strategist at eMasters. He has 21 years of corporate experience in deal-making, negotiations & business strategy and now shares his personal insights and knowledge. Raymond is also the author of the work "The Sentic Negotiator", a book that he is still writing and hopes to publish soon. The word "sentic" comes from "sentient" and denotes "awareness". In his book, Raymond demonstrates that self-awareness is the cornerstone of any successful negotiation. NB: This article DOES NOT come with reprint rights. It can only be distributed, reproduced or published in any ezines/websites in its entirety and with the author's resource box intact.

The Coming Alive of Internet Marketing TABLE OF CONTENT Introduction - The Nature of the WWW and How It Works Part 1 - Clarity Clarity by Raymond Siew Inner Child (I) by Raymond Siew Inner Child (II) by Raymond Siew Of Islands, Networking and Partnering by Adam J. Kovitz Part 2 - Due Diligence and the Question of Accountability Part 3 - Web-Based Multí-Level Markéting/Affiliate Programs and Its Business Model Part 4 - The Aftermath Created by Multí-Level Markéting & Affiliate Programs Part 5 - Summary and What is the Way Forward for Netpreneurs on the WWW?

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Chainmaille conjures up exquisite imageries of Avalon, Camelot, King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.

Chainmaille, or maille ("mesh" in Old French), was also used in early European, Japanese and Byzantine jewelry.

Would you wear something that is imbued with the essence of mystique, romance, history and culture...?

In our next issue... I'm going to tell you where you can get them.

Till then...

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