Hello

In the last 2 weeks, we've had quite a few new readers come onboard. I'd like to extend a very warm welcome to those of you who are joining us for the first time.

A quick update for our new readers... For the time being (most likely throughout summer), we're publishing in-the-loop fortnightly instead of weekly. This little "publishing breather" is to give Ray and I more time to focus on our various eMasters projects -- Ray's now putting in his final thoughts and polish to his "Inner Child" ebook and I can't wait to see the end result! He's also been busy with his SEA Bureau stuff at The National NetWorker (you can catch his latest bureau news & article here). At my end, I've been sinking my teeth into several new design projects, and some of them have created opportunities for me to s-t-r-e-t-c-h my design boundaries (and comfort zones) like never before.

Has it only been 2 weeks since we last touched base here? Doesn't time fly when you're having fun? Or experiencing change? It's a thrilling yet uneasy feeling when I find myself in this love-it/hate-it space.

Hmmm, it's that "c" word again. Change. A taboo subject for a perfectionist-control freak, both conditions of which I'm seriously in recovery from. Change----anything that messes up the nice, neat little box I put situations, or people, in----still makes me feel uncomfortable, unsure of myself, and brings on the anxiety.

Mentally, I get it that trying to control situations (or people) in order to maintain my idea of an ideal is like trying to stem the tide; it's unreal. I also expected that change would be an inevitable factor with all those new projects/new clients/new challenges I've recently taken on. Saw all those things coming. But when it hit home, I still reeled.

There's still a spoilt brat wanting things her way. There's still the scaredy cat with confidence issues. Looks like there's still lots more "inner child" work to be done before I can embrace change with greater equanimity. Ah, that's life. Correction. That's THE life I choose to live... a life enriched by a deeper awareness of, and connection to, myself and others... a self-defined life lived on my own terms, as an authentic person.

Ray's been coaching me through the roughest patches. There've been times when I just wanted to stay very mad/annoyed/irritated at/with him because he brings up touchy issues I'd rather avoid. But thankfully, these "dramas" are less now, the more I progress and grow. Thanks, Ray. Owe you one.

As for Ray, although he's been busy, he's never too busy with his musings... and he's got one to share with you today. Hope you'll find it thought-provoking.


See you again in 2 weeks' time... Have a good week ahead and blessed be.

Editor

in-the-loop™ Ezine

Email Shoi

Backward Connection and Authenticity

Over the last week, this "question" has come up again and again. I believe to be authentic, we need to be in touch with our feelings, to deeply know what we like or don't like (and why), what situations we'll accept and our responses to them, what we want in life, etc. In other words, to be defined from the inside out.

Some questions cannot be solved by logic alone. Let me give you an example: Say you are to write a list of the pros and cons of employment versus striking out in business -- You will have a long list on both columns. The only way to resolve this is by knowing who you are, how much you "feel" about your independence and the emotional price you are prepared to pay to achieve it.

I have also been asked why "inner child, spirituality and business"? Perhaps I can give you a glimpse here... In her book "Controlling People", Patricia Evan used a term, backward connection. This applies to people who have been defined from the outside in. They have little inkling of who they are and so they become defined by others. I find they are also defined by an idea of themselves. So superficial trappings become very important to them, a nice car, a good position in their jobs, etc. Take that away and they have nothing. There is no authentic self. So it becomes very important for them to maintain that idea at all costs.

Now consider this. Business is also about evolving ideas. In business, ideas are challenged all the time. To the backward-connected person, any challenge of their ideas is seen as a personal attack. In my experience, they can't separate the two. They can't because the idea IS them. And so, a tremendous amount of energy is spent attempting to control people and situations that ultimately CANNOT be controlled, with little left over to manage real challenges. With authenticity, one sees that incorporating new ideas from others doesn't threaten who they are.

I completed my first draft "Inner Child" on the 4th of July. Wonder if it means anything. I hope to have the book out for you guys to see by next issue, barring a slip on a banana peel.

Email Ray

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Southeast Asia has a reputation for being both exotic and mysterious, but it is also a place of opportunity. Raymond Siew sits down with an American who has extensive knowledge of networking there...

Read Raymond Siew's Interview with Joseph P. Cool, President of Cool & Associates, Inc

Raymond Siew is the Southeast Asian Bureau Chief for The National NetWorker

Email Ray at TNNW

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