Hi

With summer drawing to a close, moving into the second half of the year... it looks like as good a time as any for stock-taking. Over the past week, I've been reflecting on the personal and business goals I'd set myself for the new year -- Which goals did I achieve? Which fell short of the mark? Where/when did I veer off course? And of course the biggie questions... How do I get back on course (or do I need to change course entirely... hmmm, that would mean ditching some cherished ideas I've worked so hard on)? What's the next step to take me to the next level (or am I dawdling because "next level" is too awesome to think about)?

In my journey towards gaining more self-awareness (more self-definition, more authencity) in both my personal and business life, I've drawn continually from Ray's "Inner Child" material. Took some struggling, I can tell you that. But... the joy and uplifting of the spirit from experiencing breakthroughs and successes are so SO worth it! I'm just at the beginning of my journey, just beyond the first baby steps into the next level, so much more to learn, experience, savor. But I guess that's what life is all about. Evolving from first base to second base... and then negotiating the next new bend in the road, and the next.

So, if you've just joined us for the first time or missed our last issue, do check out Ray Siew's preview copy of "Inner Child" -- It's a controversial read, but I promise you there are gems to be mined there.

And in today's issue, I'd like to share a comment from one of our readers (thanks, Bernhard) as well as Ray's reply, where he expands on his Inner Child material -- see our Readers' Feedback segment below.


Speak with you again soon... Have a blessed day.

Editor

in-the-loop™ Ezine

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Comments from Bernhard...

After close to 1/3 of a million 'awake' [as opposed to aware] hours in this experience called life I have drawn some conclusions of my own. One of them is "all that matters is what I think".

Oh so arrogant but oh so true. Because regardless of what has happened [is happening], and equally regardless of what the next guy experiences [thinks], my experience is uniquely mine, coloured by my own history of prior experiences, character defective, neurotic and nurturing. And what I do next, or later, or never, is based on my thoughts/feelings. And even if I am swept up in the crowd, it is my choice.

You asked for feedback so here is mine.

I did not find your essay [Book 1] engaging. Your words did not draw me forward through the piece. I made myself read it all. The content, though, is loaded with great insight, even profound, and maybe my detachment is the result of my own reverence for the 'self'.

I had the sensation of being "sales pitched" - too many thoughts too fast - sign here!

True conviction, immovable persuasion, comes in its own time and on its own terms [not unlike a tsunami and also by the law of attraction which you touch on]. Much of what you say, in fact probably all of it, bears truth. It is as valid a perspective into the whole person as I'm OK - You're OK and its Parent-Adult-Child model. I also find the concept of a general inner struggle between the defective and the neurotic insightful - and I have read Goleman's Emotional Intelligence though I would be unable to slog through it again now as I did then.

Maybe I have come to peace [largely] with myself. I look back on my own struggle and I see clearly how powerless I am to help others help themselves. So, as opportunity arises, often by means of a double-barreled comment from me, I will state what I believe or what I have experienced, much as it is done in CB, and leave it there for the other to choose.

Accepting the premise that we use humour to cope with our pain, here is one [that you might know already] that is pertinent.

10 very important global people [you choose them - they can even be 'great people' from history] are all on a jet flying direct from LA to Darwin [Australia]. Out in the middle of the Pacific, all the engines fall off the plane and there is only one parachute. Who gets the parachute?

The "correct'' answer is "Who cares?" [which, when shared with the listeners who are heatedly debating the question, will generally bring a lot of laughter].

I am not a prophet - I generally have no idea what is coming next and in reflection over my past find that to be true for all my conscious life. Nothing ever worked quite as planned and the goals of the 'success' stories I have were seldom exactly what I originally envisaged [to the extent that I envisaged at all]. Most of the things that sent me on a worry-trip never happened and the ones that I hadn't thought about really knocked me down hard and painfully. Yet here I am - I think a more conscious person than most of the global population - and as ready for what's coming as I ever was in the past, maybe a bit more.

So I have two life guidelines - I am completely clueless and nobody cares.

OK - gotta go look after myself a bit 'cos nobody else can :-)

Bernhard

Ray's reply...

Dear Bernhard

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Can I add a small section here and then come back to your comments...

The ego and the spirit.

I believe the ego is a mechanism to protect the inner child before the child is ready to deal with the issues. So it is a good thing. But it is also the source of the illusions/delusions. So growth, to me, is a gradual stripping away of these illusions/delusions. And the process is painful. M. Scott Peck describes it as "cathexis". That is why many are not conscious.

Let me use an example to illustrate:

I coach my son in chess. Over the last three years, I have followed him to many competitions. I have watched him struggle and have shared his joys as well as disappointments, his successes as well as failures. Let me recount some observations -- At age 12, Mark entered our State Closed Chess Competition. It's a 2-day event. At the end of the first day, Mark was the front runner after having beaten some of our past senior State champions. Now, if you win, you move on to face stronger opponents. On the second day he crashed. If Mark had continued his run he would have made history that day as the youngest champion in our state's history. At the end of the tournament, the president of our State Chess Association went over and made a remark to Mark. He said Mark was "mentally weak".

So I sat Mark down to evaluate the event. I reminded him of his achievements that day. I also asked him to recount for me what took place in his mind over the two days. On the first day, Mark played with little fear. In fact there was a moment when he transcended his fears and played with absolute clarity. However the pressure of being the front runner introduced tremendous pressure on the second day. The possibility of winning brought on fear. He could no longer focus on the present. In other words, he defeated himself.

Now I recognised his achievements that day. When we reviewed the day I also reminded him why he took up Chess in the first place.

An aside: We don't have a strong Chess tradition in this country, and so trying to be a Grandmaster would be a little over-ambitious. Besides, that was not what he wanted.

We have agreed to use Chess as a learning tool to apply to life. So, our purpose then would be to have a balanced understanding of all the dramas that took place that day... including the disparaging remarks of the president.

Now chess is a complex game, but it's not the complexity that defeats most players. It's the illusions. Let me explain -- If you are winning, you seem to be under time pressure even when there is plenty of time left on the clock. And when you are losing, you have little perception of the movement of time. What seems like a short space of time to you is actually the passage of a much longer period of time as you worry, hesitate, engage in your self doubts, etc. Many players have lost on time not realising that. In fact, if you look closely at excitement, it stems from fear. Why? Because you don't expect to win, you fear losing and so you get excited at the prospect of winning. And so it is fear that is the enemy of clarity.

Another example:

Mark eventually found a way to achieve concentration -- He would lose, get angry with himself and then go on to win the next few games. So we sat down again and discussed this. I suggested that is one way, but maybe not the best. Let's look at it. Mark is ranked 15th in the country for his age group. He is consistently a half point to a point from the leaders ie. a draw or one more win away. Also, he has a history of winning against strong opponents and then losing to a weaker one. By using anger to achieve concentration he does a few things -- First, he has to lose (or start an argument with me) to get angry before he can concentrate. The wear and tear on the coach apart, he now suffers from another problem. In using anger to concentrate, he will also need to go to those who will assuage his ego for comfort, to justify his anger. And that means he now can't tell friend from foe. The world assuages the ego but crushes the spirit. And thereby opens the door to external manipulation.

Still, there is another path to concentration. And that is through the spirit. He once connected to it when he was 12. But then he didn't know enough to access it each time he needed it. For you see, the spirit also has feelings like drive, passion, determination. But it's different. It's hard to describe. But there is no duality. It's constant. Like joy for instance.

From the mind/body, you have euphoria and depression. And this vacillation between the two states drains you of energy.

When you are connected to your spirit, it will lead you to success... without the turbulence.

Something else also happens -- During competitions, I noticed that Mark cannot stick to the agreed goal. In fact, he cannot remember it. For the chatter and illusions of the ego, mind/body and inner child are so compelling.

And so I conclude that from the mind/body it is important to REMEMBER. In the course of a competition, he can't remember his goals, the strategies we have rehearsed, his past lessons. For you see, strategy can only come when you can see the big picture (when you can see the movie playing). And fear puts you in narrow focus, to the tactical, to seeing only the immediate (that one frame)... and then you are surprised by the next move. And you huddle again. And since life has this similarity to chess, it's a timed game, you lose. Granted that life is more complicated than chess (in that what comes next has infintely more variables), the interesting thing is you normally know the trajectory of your life---that it is heading for the crash---and yet many refuse to think, to remember all the lessons. Instead, they fall into either the intelligent trap or the emotional one. So maybe there is thinking, and there is thinking with integrity. But fear clouds, the inner child spins illusions and allows the manipulations and others' agendas to dictate, to define you, to tell you what to think, or at least it's your fears that do so. Why I have described Mark in such detail is that despite his many achievements, despite his giftings, there seems to be the propensity towards fear (seeing the cup half empty). Maybe it is also because of that gifting. Maybe that is so because the way to clarity is through FEAR. And I have seen this in many similarly gifted children and adults. In fact, I believe we are ALL gifted in different ways. But fear causes us to see in compartments; it prevents us from using what knowledge we have at the moment; it opposes integrity.

And the only way to see with clarity, with integrity, is by constantly connecting to the spirit (and to do that requires discipline and knowledge). Something I'm hoping Mark will learn -- It takes courage to do the right thing despite one's fears. It takes character as defined in my Inner Child ebook. It also takes knowledge which can only come with learning and experience. In Mark's case, he has a gift. Despite the fears, he has achieved much. I see my job as only to give him realistic evaluations so he takes the right conclusions from his experience. And if he does not acquire too many unreasonable fears, then one day (and it is only a decision away), he may achieve his potential... or not. But that will have to be his decision, his choice, and in his own time (when the pain of status quo is greater than the pain of change), or he can choose to confront his fears now.

But, I agree with you nobody can force you to confront your fears. It can only be a rational proposition when you achieve success in your goals. And that is why goal-setting is so important. With every failed goal, the result is self-recrimination, doubt and damage to the spirit.

Mark asked me an interesting question: He said, "Dad, how do I know if what you say is damaging my ego (illusions), or damaging my spirit?" My answer at that time was, "If what I say helps you towards your goal, and if the first voice that you hear, before the cacophany of fears drowns out my voice, then probably that is from my spirit to your spirit."

So Berhard... I appreciate that you made the effort to read and understand my work. I know it can't have been easy (maybe even as hard and painful as it was for me to write it). It was never meant to be compelling. To read my work and evaluate it properly, and with integrity, would require a reading from the spirit.

Consider this: I am not trying to sell you anything, nor is there any stipulation that you must read this at any particular speed. Yet you felt pressured, rushed and came to the conclusion that I am asking you to buy something. No. All this is a gift, from me to you with no stríngs attached.

And it's because I see us as being connected... when you are OK, I am OK. And from the spirit, I know you feel the same way too. For if we do not see it this way but from the mind/body, ego, then it will be very hard for any connection. For, as I have said, the ego aids in the process of individuation, and so it is a necessary step in the process. But then, to see connection, to achieve interdependence, we have to move to the mind/spirit.

And while I agree that what we think is what we are, I ask you to consider the possibility that there is the difference between thinking from the mind/body and the mind/spirit. ( I'll cover more of this in my completed eBook, maybe nurturing belongs to the mind/spirit. )

May I conclude here with Buddha's 8-fold path to enlightenment:

1. Right view
2. Right thinking
3. Right speech
4. Right action
5. Right livelihood
6. Right diligence
7. Right mindfulness
8. Right concentration

I believe the laws of attraction work... but they work only if you do not turn back, for it works on the other side of the veil.

I thank you sincerely for your time in sharing with me.

Yours in community,


Raymond Siew

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